Islam really is the answer to everything...

I have heard it all!
Lately I have been working four jobs so as a result come home at LATE hours only to leave shortly after fajr the following morning. The street in front of my house is two-way, but all of the cars park in the same direction... all save one.
I seem to be the one to break the mold by parking backwards because really---I'm only there for a few short hours. Seems like a silly rule anyway, everyone having to park the same way. So this weekend the city came by to ticket me (talked my way out of it) but the commissionaire was sure to tell me that my neighbours had been complaining that I had been "going against the grain" so to speak...
Shortly after, my friendly Christian neighbour came across the street and began to tell me that he was taking me to church on Sunday (he has said this before). This time he asked when it was that I had converted to Islam. I told him May 14th and before I could continue he said... and I quote.

" I knew there was something wrong with you and that something had changed. A couple of months ago you started parking the wrong way on the street, and I kept thinking 'what is wrong with this girl' and now I know. That is when you converted."

I didn't begin to tell him that I started parking on the front of the street instead of using the back because my roommate needed the space, or because I came from the end of the city that made it convienient to park in that direction without circling the block, or because my car was only sitting there for a few short hours a night...
Yup, Islam is making me park backwards on the street.... hey at least it is giving me the chance to talk to my neighbour about Islam. Maybe if I was able to park my car in a tree like in the picture here I could really talk about the power of Allah.
Just goes to show that Allah really is the answer to everything.

Allah Has a Plan.

I wish I had a clever title for this entry, but really I can only tell it like it is. Allah has a plan and it is more complex than I can ever comprehend.

Today a good friend of mine called me to tell me her husband was delivering the Khutbah at one of the local Mosques in town. I have been awaiting the opportunity to hear him speak for some time now. Needless to say I was very much looking forward to attending. As I hung-up with her and was working out in my mind when I would have to leave work to enable me to arrive at the masjiid in due time, something (ok.... Allah) was pulling at my heart telling me to go to the other mosque. The feeling was so strong that I went with it and passed-up the chance to hear this brother speak and went to the other masjiid. As I was listening to the Khutbah being delivered I remember thinking "really good information" but it was still unclear as to why I was supposed to go that Mosque.
I finished my final rakat and was about to turn to leave when one of the other sisters stopped me to introduce me to a new sister in the mosque that I hadn't met before. Like myself, this woman comes from a Christian home and although she has been seeking (and accepted Islam in her heart and among friends) she has decided that she wanted to say Shahaada at the Mosque.
We ended up sitting together for quite some time, chatting about our experiences and discussing what Islam has meant and is to both of us. Although we come from different life experiences there were similarities between us other than our religion, and Insha'Allah we will spend many more hours discussing them. One of the comments this sister made was how she had been reading and doing a lot of searching on her own as she still trying to connect with the community.--- I do believe that today Allah introduced us so we could be a support and connection to each other. I believe that the reason I was supposed to attend that Mosque today was to meet this sister. That somehow Allah is going to use us in each other's lives.

I know that this thought seems to be a somewhat anti-climatic entry, but I think that it is worth mentioning. Not only do we as humans often fail to see what it is Allah has laid out for us, but we often fail to even look. Other times we question a decision that we made in lieu of another and live wondering if it was the right one.
I was recently reading Brother Green's blog and he was talking about this in his life. How he has had an experience that has made him consider the choice he made and has sparked curiosity of things may have been different if...
I am in no way saying that I have any wisdom to lecture or advise, especially when I often find myself asking the same question about various times in my life, but the more I sit back and look at things, the more I see "Allah has a plan."
If my grandfather had never been killed this last year, I likely would have never began my search into Islam (but Allah knows best). Naturally I wish my grandfather was still alive, but look at what has come out of his passing.
If I had gone to the other Khutbah today I may have heard something that applied more directly to my situation currently but instead I met someone that Insha'Allah will impact my life (and Insha'Allah I will also impact hers).
Brother Green-- Sure taking the other position may have given you an opportunity to witness to those brothers but it may have not. Trust that Allah used you where you were most needed. Think of all of the lives that you impact on a daily basis from your work at London Central Mosque, think of all of the lives that you impact overseas (I am speaking from the heart here... you had a big hand in my reversion to Islam. Would we have ever met if you had taken the other job? Would then I have found the answers I needed?)

I was a the grocery store the other day and a man literally walked into me and then asked me about my hijab and what religion I was a part of etc. He then told me he didn't have a religion and could he join mine? How much did it cost? Where was the office? (Granted he was intoxicated) But I left the store thinking should I have said something more? Given him more useful information, written something down for him? But at the end of the day, I trust that Allah will work it out. That Allah has a plan and He knows best.

May Allah open our eyes to His plan, may we always trust in Him. May He always seek us out... Ameen.

"Since everyone else seems to have all of the answers..."

I know that my recent conversion has caused many of my friends to question my intentions-- to stand in shock as they hear that I have converted to a faith that is so different from that which they know or used to know me in.
I know that friends and family are going to be worried about how this will change me... change my life-- How my faith will impact who I am in relation to who I was.
Everyday I have those that are close to me TELL me about what "my life in Islam" is going to be like... "what I can expect out of my choices." They repeat all of the same sentences that I am so familiar to every time I tell someone that I have converted...
"You mean you aren't going to drink anymore?"
"So you are going to cover your head?"
"What about food... you only can eat special meat?"
"You know you won't have any rights"
"You were so independent"
"So you are going to pray five times a day?"
"So you can't date/hug/touch guys?"
The list is endless. What really has got me riled-up as I sit here and write this, is that these are the areas that my friends and family seem to be grieving about my change. Granted changing elements like this, which used to be part of my personality do in a way change part of who I am/was, but are these really the characteristics that made me who I was? If I never drink again is it really going to alter the woman I used to be to all of these people? Why are these things issues for people? Quite honestly, the questions that are so often asked and seem to be such grave areas of concern really cause me to wonder who it was that I was presenting myself as when I was non-Muslim? Did what I ate and how I dressed make me who I was? Because honestly I thought that the friend that I was: the honest, loyal, optimistic, friendly, fun-loving person was what made me the person my friends cared about. Those qualities, have not changed, I can assure you that no faith, will change what my friends and family mean to me, and the manner in which I love them.
Naturally there will be differences, but change is inevitable to any person. As we grow as human beings there are numerous things that will impact how we perceive the world. What really has me upset is how the differences that everyone I know seem to be getting hung up on, are changes which are so incredibly trivial.
What I really struggle with is why I need to go to a bar, or drink or wear certain clothes to be the person that "I was."
There are days that I honestly feel as though it is more acceptable to be an alcoholic and not drink in the eyes of society, than it is to not drink because of faith.

What makes me equally angry is that people keep referring to this "change in my life" and claiming that they have nothing against Islam, they just "don't want me to lose who I was". But lets be honest here... If I had converted to any other faith; Buddhism or Catholicism I think it would be safe for me to speculate that we wouldn't be having these conversations. That many of the comments and concerns people have are due to their conceptions-- or rather misconceptions of Islam. What I love about this statement is how when people say it to me they proceed to tell me what my life is going to be like... what I can expect. Really? Do you know what it is like to be Muslim? Do you know the ins and outs of the faith? Because the thing is, I am living it out... I am experiencing what it is to me Muslim, I daily read, ask questions and spend time with the Muslim community. I KNOW what it has been like and continues to be like, but-- I mean if everyone else seems to have all of the answers then who am I to say anything.

If people want to know who I am I wish they would quit speculating and generalizing and either ask or come and see. I am ME. I am the same Canadian, red-head who loves people, her friends, good books, art and having fun. I still eat chocolate daily, I still like to lay around with close girl-friends and talk about everything and nothing. I still love to rollerblade, hike, camp, and eat in ethnic restaurants. I would still do anything for my friends, and I still believe in God. The minor changes in my actions and behaviour do not in anyway impact who I am as a person to my friends and family... I don't know how to show people that.

What I do know is how tired I am of people telling me why I converted. That I didn't know the right Christians, that I didn't 'know' God, that the trauma I have gone through with my family in the last year or two has caused me to convert... that I converted for a guy. Again-- let me say that none of these are the reasons that I converted. Yet, I am sure I am wasting my words by saying that. When I began reading about Islam it was never to convert. Only to try and educate myself. But questions came up and I couldn't ignore them. I converted because it was real to me, it is truth... The answers I needed were inside of me. The answers that I needed were not in Christianity.

I didn't convert for anyone but myself. Again, what is the point of saying this when everybody apparently already knows "the reason that I really converted"... just like they all know how I will lose my identity by being Muslim.
Why is it that people continue to tell me what I have lost instead of looking and seeing what it is that I know I have gained.