Where has the time gone?? New family, Turkey, and Umrah...

Assalam Alaikum to those still checking the blog after my long absence from writing... The summer has been rather eventful and between the excitement and my admitted laziness in writing it has been months since I have posted anything. Alhamdulillah Allah (SWT) has given me an abundance of blessings over the last few months of which I am so extremely grateful for. The first of which may be the biggest of all blessings in one's life--my husband and I have been given the blessing of a child and inshallah we will be expecting our first baby in the winter. Alhamdulilliah this fills me with all sorts of feelings-- Feelings that I really have zero inability to describe. Much of my time has been spent on reading about the family in Islam and children in Islam as I reflect on how just over a year ago I was the one discovering Islam, and now it will be my responsibility to pass the beauties, truth and greatness of this religion onto a being as pure as an infant. At the end of the day after all of my insecurites and questions loop over and over again in my mind I wonder if I will have the knowledge and competancies to give this child the knowledge that they deserve and I desire for him/her. Yet I realize that in the doubt of my own self is the trust in Allah. That in admitting I will need help and guidance I submit to Allah (SWT) and trust that He will reveal all that needs revealing and give me the strength to inshallah raise this beautiful child in the Islam that I seek and desire-- To raise them in the followings of the Qur'an and Sunnah and an Islam unpolluted by so many of the elements in society today. Please keep my husband and I in your du'a and of course our small child that inshallah is on its way.

As you can imagine the above has occupied much of my thoughts in the last few months, not to mention a lot of energy as Alhamdulillah I am learning why paradise is at the feet of mothers-- the morning sickness has been all-day sickness and has lasted far longer than the first trimester, but alhamdulillah I earnestly seek the reward Allah (SWT) inshallah gives to mothers. It has also helped to me to see the miracles of Allah (SWT) in different areas of my life.
One of the other blessings I was given this summer was to travel to Turkey for a month and a half to visit my inlaws. My husband and I had made intention to go from Turkey to Umrah this summer, but in our plans doors seemed to keep closing on me specifically to be able to go. My visa couldn't be approved via Turkey and by then it was too late to apply through Canada and I had resigned to the idea that I would not be able to go to Umrah this year.
In hindsight I know it was a lesson that Allah (SWT) was teaching me. Initially when we were discussing Umrah it was around the time that we found out we were pregnant. My first thoughts were nervousness about the heat and being able to cope with the sickness of pregnancy during the hottest (and I mean HOTTEST) month of the year in Saudi. Although I desired to go to Umrah, my fear was plaguing my intention and I believe that because of that Allah (SWT) took my fear away by taking Umrah away. As I realized I wouldn't be able to go, the fear that I once felt was filled with a sadness that was so deep it caused me to fall prostrate to Allah to ask for comfort in the decision but even more to open a door for me to be able to go to Umrah.

In losing the chance to go the holiest city and place in our religion to prostrate at the base of the Kabbah and inshallah have some of my sins erased I realized how my fear had prevented me from trusting in Allah. Then again as I submitted to him and acknowledged the wonderful gift and chance I had in front of me, suddenly doors began to open. Now I must add that this was all within five days of the date my husband and brother-in-law were scheduled to depart. It seemed as though it would be impossible for things to fall in place in time, but the more du'a I made the more Allah answered them.... I suppose it was Allah's way of saying " haven't I told you if you come to me walking I will come to you running!!"
Within days we found someone to get me a visa, I got a seat on the plane, the Saudi embassy approved a Turkish visa despite my not being a Turkish citizen and I was on my way.... simply by the grace of Allah.
But the miracles of Allah didn't stop there. As I mentioned I was very sick from the pregnancy and had been vomitting everyday of my pregnancy. I prayed that while doing Umrah Allah would keep my sickness from me and help me to get through my acts of worship and succesfully complete my Umrah. I was sick the day we left to Saudi but once in Mecca for the entire 4 days we were there I was fine-- then upon returning to Turkey I was sick again. Once again Allah had showed me His truth and grace and answered my du'a.

The experience of Umrah is not one I can put into words. People keep asking me what it is like and I am not sure how to respond. I pray that Allah will accept my act of worship and that I will get to return to do it again-- but if not then alhamdulillah I have had the chance to see the kabbah with my eyes however tear-filled they may have been and give all glory to Allah that He alone brought me there. To see the many faces of people from all over the world who were there seeking the reward or their deeds and the forgiveness of Allah and worshiping Him in a sincerity and earnesty that was one of the most beautiful sites on earth. Of course the mosque and the kabbah itself in all of its magnitude and pristine beauty were breathtaking, but to say I made du'a at the kabbah for as many people and things as would come to my mind, to touch it and experience it in a reality that pictures can't bring, and to inshallah walk in the footsteps of the Prophet (SAW) and so many calipha and followers of Islam walked is a blessing I am so grateful for and I pray that all Muslims will have the chance to experience.

So, this is where I have been for the summer. Inshallah I hope to still hear from some of you-- May Allah give you all Umrah and Hajj and give you endless blessings.

Life in Toronto II

I was so looking forward to coming to TO because of the big community and having the opportunity to get involved in so many events, however every event or organization I have attempted to contact has not returned my call or email. Insha'Allah these groups are busy and have other priorities but I really think it is so important that we as a community are invested in the others in that same community. That we are making sure people feel welcomed. Alhamdulillah I have plenty of literature and of course the Qur'an to keep me connected to Allah (SWT) but I was thinking about what if I was someone seeking out Islam who was desiring information or someone to tell them something about our beautiful religion? Would they have been left high and dry?
Incedentally I just was talking to a recent convert about this. I met her at the Turkish Halaka I attend (funny as I don't speak Turkish)... anyway she got connected with one of these Turkish women and started going to this Halaka... alhamdulillah. Shortly after, I started attending. Often what will happen is the English-speaking women will meet on one side and discuss Islam while the Turks will meet on the other side and discuss in Turkish. There are only a couple of women who speak English that attend and all of them are very recent converts, many of them by marriage and are just starting to learn and take interest in Islam.
The first couple of weeks I attended I sat as the sister leading the group kept reading from a book that had inspirational information and stories about Islam intended to insha'Allah motivate or inspire someone in there practice of Islam. I sat there listening to granted, what were good articles, but then listened to these other women ask question after question about what does fardh mean? How does one pray? Where do they get information about Islam?
For a moment I sat there in shock-- these women were coming to this group to get information about Islam and leaving just as empty as they came. Alhamdulillah they had a group they could go to and connect with, but when they were physically attending there questions were being answered with "come over to my house and we can talk about it, lets read from this book now" instead of discussing the questions... the prayer... the fundamentals of the faith.
We as a community need to be aware of those who are seeking, those who are trying to deepen their faith as insha'Allah we are all trying to do. We need to take action and be sure we are doing what we can as Muslims and Muslimas to take care of the people who are hungry for knowledge whether it be someone just trying to make contact with an organization or whether it is someone who is going to a group and desperately seeking answers.
It is also okay to say that you don't have the answers if you don't, but it is our responsiblity as a Muslim to make sure that we either get the answer or connect that person to someone who has it. In the case of the convert women who attend this halaka, this group once a week was the only opportunity they were getting to discuss Islam, to learn and to grow.
May Allah (SWT) unite us all and provide us with the knowedge and motivation we need to help others and insha'Allah help ourselves grow in our faith. May we have open-eyes and hearts to the needs of those in our community. Ameen.

Life in Toronto...

Assalam Alaikum Everyone,
Well, alhamdulillah we made it to Toronto. It has taken a week or so to get settled and get the new place set-up. Alhamdulillah we are out of the house in Winnipeg. For those of you who don't know (maybe I have never mentioned this before) but before I was Muslim I had bought a house... of course with a Mortgage. When I reverted I tried to sell it to get out of the mortgage but it wouldn't sell. I decided to fix it up a bit more and then try again knowing I would be moving to TO in the spring. Alhamdulillah it sold, and now we are renting a place. The reason I am mentioning all of this is because I can say with total certainty that Allah has blessed my marriage and life now being out of a house that has interest. We are happier, there is a different feeling altogether that I can only describe as being from Allah (SWT) and I totally believe it is because we are now living in an environment totally (insha'Allah) halal. I know that there are fatwa's that state you can own one house and one car, but the Qur'an says we as Muslims shouldn't take interest. I notice the difference-- I mention this in the hopes that it will give others the strength and encouragement they need to come out of interest they have.

The picture above is from a website of Anja Islamic Fashions. It is a company I am working for a little bit here. The sister that runs it is a convert who had gone to school to study fashion. Alhamdulillah now she is devoting herself to designing Muslim women's fashions that are modest but contemporary. She offers a range of things from skirts and tunics to albayas and matching hijabs etc. It is really beautiful well thought out attire. I will post the website and insha'Allah she is going to have it completely up and running soon. The sketches are of clothing she actually has made. I will try to remember to mention when the site is done. She is also hiring a webmaster, fashion consultant and seamstresses. If you live in TO or in the TO area and are interested let me know via a post and insha'Allah I will let you know how to contact her.

I haven't really met any sisters here yet. I have visited various masjids but there aren't ever sisters there. I should say Alhamdulillah as the best place for sisters to pray is in their home, so insha'Allah they are all getting the most of their possible reward, but I would love to meet some people to study Islam with. I did meet another revert at the Friday khutbah. She has the same name as I do, and is really wonderful mesh'Allah.
The masjid I am close to has a great bookstore and I am blessed by Allah (SWT) to be so close to so much knowledge right at my fingertips.

I had quite the experience the other day. I went to a mosque in a different area of town to pray the isha prayer and an Islamic school was just getting out. There were children everywhere. I sat down waiting for the prayer noticing I was getting whispers and stares from all of the young girls. One of them approached her mom who then told me that she asked if infact I was Muslim. She couldn't believe it because I was white.
After the prayer the group of about 10 young Muslim girls all stood in a huddle and then surrounded me. They were so curious as to what this white girl was doing there and how was I indeed Muslim?
We chatted for a while and as I was putting my shoes on overheard them making comments about my white skin, and light coloured eyes.
It gave me mixed emotions as I left. Part of me couldn't help but smile in the humour of it all, and enjoy the fact that I got to spend some precious moments with a group so such wonderful girls mesh'Allah, but part of me was saddened that they would think that Islam is a religion of only Arabs and South Asians. That they didn't know that their religion has the power to impact everyone and that it was not bound by race.