A brother or sister left this post on the website last night and I thought it was just far too insightful, poetic and beautiful to risk everyone not reading. I hope he/she doesn't mind my posting it on the main page.
May Allah (SWT) reward you for comments, dedication and insight. May He (SWT) accept your hajj. Ameen.
"I did my Hajj this year and I must say that what an experience. It was my first time to both the Harams in Makkah and Madinah. The thing that hits you right in the head and in the heart is the realization of how small we are in the face of Allah's mercy. When in Arafaat, making dua to Allah along with millions of other pilgrims, one feels so insignificant, so tiny and to know the fact that right now Allah is saying to His angels "Look at them, my servants have come to me and go listen to what they are saying". My Allah is talking about me. WOW.. The sunset at Arafaat is the sadest sunset in the whole world.
The dealing with fellow pilgrims and showing patience with... well.. some of their annoying behavior, teaches one patience and humbleness and tolerance.
Standing right there in front of Kaaba and listening to the Adhan is an experience that defies everything you thought you had figured out; your expectations, emotions, logic, ego, pride, worries, words and finally submission. Happiness and calmness holds a new meaning. Sitting in the Roda Jannat, next to the Roza Rassool when one hears the adhan to fajr prayers, its so hard to hold back the tears. First you fight the tears, and then after some time you wouldnt even notice that they have come out on their own will to prostrate. One just wishes that the heart stops beating right now right here and be buried in jannat ul baqee (the graveyard next to prophetic mosque where most of the sahaba and members of the household of Prophet (pbuh) are burried) and one's funeral prayer be said in the haram.
A muslim leaves some part of his/her self in the two cities. Bit by bit, every day during the stay. I am convinced its the heart and the soul. Because when one comes back, one is so lost. Its like when one wakes up from a wonderful dream and so desperately wants to go back to sleep so that it could continue, but it does not. The words 'Haee aalal Fallah, Haee aala Sallah' (come to success, come to prayers) holds a totally new dimension of submission.
And then one gets busy in this prison of schisms and deceptions.
And while driving to work, suddenly the black cover of the kaaba shimmers in front of the eyes, that specific angle of the kaaba and its door from the roof top, that flicker of the green dome from the gates of the jannat-ul-baqee in that cold crisp morning after fajr prayers when the sun is rising over the blessed city of madina. Right at this moment the part of your heart and soul . remember... the ones that you left there. They beckon at you. They call upon you to come back and all you can do is say "O my Master, my Owner, Ya Rabbi, Please invite me back to Your house." And then one remembers all the hours and minutes sleeping or eating and one curses ones self if i could've just prayed two more nafils.
One sip of zamzam here, opens a flood gate of memories and then one realizes that where has my imaan gone. Why I have become so lax in obeying Allah, why my heart does not cry anymore when prostrating, why dont i die?
forgive me for a long comment, i just wanted to say this to someone and thank you for the reminder of the journey and maybe destination?."
1 comment:
Salam sister,
thank you very much for posting the comment. The whole experience of Hajj and the visit to two blessed cities has so many different levels of understanding and unfathomable emotions, that it leaves one quite.. well.. just quite different from what one was. Everyone has her own experience and the lessons they take out from it. And then the fear that maybe it was not accepted, i must have done something wrong.. it just eats one alive.
May Allah accept our feeble efforts in submission, our efforts which in no way can justify His rights upon us, May Allah accept the Hajj of all the pilgrims, may Allah fill our hearts with His love and fear, may Allah give us the strength to stand against the oppresion of muslims all around the world.
thanks sister and may Allah strengthen you and your family in love for Allah and love for each other.
Jazak Allah Khair
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