Thursday, January 11, 2007

Where has time gone... where have I gone.

Where has time gone. I can't believe it has already been a couple of weeks since I have posted... if I believed in new years resolutions I would make one to post more often.
I have tried to put my pictures from Turkey on the site but can't seem to figure it out. Need to keep working on that. Computers aren't my strong point...

I don't want to talk much about the trip or about insignificant things in this post. As I have been reflecting, I think that has been much of my problem lately. I am spending far too much time focusing on the things of this life and have forgotten what I need to be striving for in all of my actions.
I have allowed myself to get caught up in school, or work or practicum... all things that will bring me some sort of success in this life but what success will they bring me in the next life? None...
I was thinking about when I converted a mere 8 months ago, all I wanted to do was learn about Islam, and I would find excuses to read, or search the internet... even if it was on work time (oops). Granted it was the summer and I wasn't as busy, but there is no excuse.
I have gotten too lazy and too relaxed and have not been reading as much or have dedicated myself in the way I have wanted to or used to. I have given too much focus to things that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and as a result my focus is off.

On one of the last nights I spent in Turkey, Alhamdulillah I met an incredible family. The daughters were all raised in Turkey, but the parents were converts who were from the USA but then moved to Turkey to raise a family in a better environment for their children. Alhamdulillah. What strength, what devotion. Giving up so much for the sake of your religion... for the sake of your family. There are days my struggles are so much more menial and I still have problems submitting.
Not only that, but the parents are some of the most modest-looking people I have seen. The mother, dressed in black jilbab, and a hijab that covers much of her face, the father with a full beard, always wearing a prayer cap, and loose, plain, modest clothing.
Why I mention the latter is, Turkey is not a country of jilbabs or albaya. Infact they are hard to find. Men, if they wear a beard, often have it trimmed... here are two people who have come to this country and not sacrificed their religion in any way. They came to for the sake of the religion, and from what I see have been living their beliefs... something I have seen is hard nowadays in Turkey.

Then, here I am in Winnipeg, still struggling with stupid things. Why do I still care? I can speak of Islam with a true passion, but do I model it in my everyday? If not why? My actions need to reflect my words, and if I fear they don't, then something is wrong.

One of my dearest friends came over tonight. She is a convert sister who has a passion for Islam that is like a frostbite in the night. She is stronger than she can ever imagine. Every time I talk to her she tells me of her days spent giving day. Alhamdulillah she has a heart dedicated to fighting for the justice of Muslims... she is educated and knowledgeable about atrocities Muslims around the world are facing, and she is determined to tell people about them, and that of course we as Muslims will stand up and fight for the injustices that are constantly occurring to our brothers and sisters around the world.
Listening to her talk, I am quick to see the faults that I have been making. That I haven't been sharing my religion passionately with people. Rather than speaking up about my religion, my beliefs, I often wait for others to approach me.

Even this blog... one way I have chosen to talk to the world has been something I have gotten lazy on.

I need to focus on what is important to me, what I am doing to benefit my religion and benefit my growth in faith. The way I have been living hasn't been doing it. Time to re-examine my life and get focused on the things that are important... Islam, trying to achieve Jannah, seeking and gaining knowledge, and reaching out to Muslims and non-Muslims.

May Allah (SWT) forgive me for my inadequacies, may he guide me to a straighter path, may he show me my faults and lead me to the strength to correct them... Ameen


Helene said...

Salamou aleikoum dear Jenny,
You said you were feeling almost shameful (from what I understand) about that fact that you let yourself think too much about the everyday life and not concentrating on what could bring you a better after-life. From what I understood of it, the will of God is to worship Him and to live a successful life for ourselves. So being MUSLIM, in submission to the will of God is not just all for Him but an equality between our life and worship. So I'm saying this so that maybe you won't be too hard on yourself and be able to feel like you already are doing things right. Miss you, miss our great chatting nights, xox ciao

admin said...

Native European Muslims project

Anonymous said...

Assalaamu Alaikum sister,

I had already posted a comment requesting a help on Salah...hope you have not forgotten it. Right now, I just wanted to say, there is a brother who has been calling people to Islam for the last 20 years I hope, and he is not a speaker/ renowned orator or so on and so forth...he is a familyman from India, right now in Winnipeg and said that t activities of his area are in smaller scale and he may help you better to do dawah...he is one of the persons who called my husband to Islam. If you would like to gain islamic knowledge or help thru drop me a line.